Homicidal Safety

achildofthefandoms:

tism

when deep and meaningful statuses get shot down with logic

(via archkeyblader)

bathroomwallanarchy:

They’re not the best but…

(via peacockdawson)

achievement-hunter-thats-why:

blurrypurplebigfoot:

time-sponges:

ckhrist:

time-sponges:

You sit at the restaurant with your young son, he says he is hungry.  You agree to get him dinner. You open up to the kids menu, your child is far to young for adult food. Chicken nugger stares at you from the page. You don’t understand. Your palms get sweaty and your son complains. He says he is hungry.  Your mind strains, searching for an answer in a world of sweer potato and french fried. You try to order the chicken nugger, but you cannot. The words cannot escape your lips. Your son is hungry, he complains. The waitress stares at you, her head a spinning chicken nugger, her arms swinging french fried. Your son cries the tears of a chicken nugger-less child. In your mind you scream. It is raining sweer potato now, you have french fried engraved on your left temple and you do not understand. Your son weeps in the corner, he is starving. Starving for the chicken nugger.

You watch as your son scarfs down nugger after nugger.  He is satisfied.  He loves the chicken nugger.  You wonder if you could ever attain that kind of happiness in your own life.  You quietly pay your bill and enter the street.  Your son asks if you can buy him an ice cream.  You enter Mrs. Moo’s on Jefferson street hoping to order a rocky road.  You look at the menu on the wall.  

Chicken Nugger …. $3.50

Chicken Nugger …. $4.75

Chicken Nugger …. $2.11

Chicken Nugger …. $6.65

It goes on and on.  You are confused.  Your son asks again for the chicken nugger.  He is full but wants chicken nugger for dessert.  You ask the woman at the counter for a scoop of rocky road.  She doesn’t know how to respond.  You get desperate, you ask for vanilla.  Her eyes widen.  She motions her way toward the telephone.  You ask again, “a scoop of vanilla?”  She picks up the phone and begins dialing.  Your son again asks for chicken nugger.  You want to run, you want to scream, you look at your palms and the lines have begun to form chicken nugglets.  The phone the woman is dialing starts sweating chicken grease, her eyes close and she is ashamed, ashamed that she her customer has caused such a problem. You want to run but your son is screaming for the chicken nugger.

You sir have just gotten yourself into a reality war, are you ready?

The waitress makes her call and collapses into chicken nuggers, grease rolling from where her body had stood. You look up to the menu on the wall, but the words have tumbled off the paper and have conjeeled as mustard on the floor. You turn to your son, his eyes flaming mirrors of your own reality. The rain has turned to hail, currents of sweer potato break the glass windows in the shop and sirens yell in the distance. You try to cover your eyes, but your hands are no longer yours, they drip grease and melt into a familiar form. Your hands are chicken nuggers. You scream.

you watch yourself from above as you become chicken nugger. Your son  collapses into a quivering sweer potato as the universe fold in on its self to form a massive french fried. Your son is now screaming from his forehead for a chicken nugger and the space time continuum ceases to exist and in its place is a toasty nugger. you try to scream for chicken nugger but all your mouth will produce is sweer potatat. In japan, your hundreds of children mime to you their deep need for chicken nugger, and you demand a lawyer to defend you. The planets, all of them, mercury through pluto, crash to earth and are reduced to a myriad chicken nugger. Death comes for you. you hope to go to a better place but there is only chicken nugger.

This website is on drugs.

(via deer-ebooks)

renirabbit:

pizzalecki:

pkmnbreederbrianna:

togamijail:

chandra75:

im-sherlocked-in-my-mindpalace:

socially-awkward-supervillian:

Fun fact: Cheetahs only attack pray that runs

jesus that is good to know.

Yup, that’s the point you just stay still and let it do whatever the fuck it wants that doesn’t involved you getting eaten. 

REALLY FUN FACT for big cats cheetahs are fucking docile as shit

my grandfather ran a cheetah sanctuary in south africa and he’d just lie with them and sleep among them and they’d rub against him and chirp at him they’re big fucking babies

Another Fun Fact: Cheetah’s are incredibly nervous animals. One of the (many) reason’s they’re going extinct is that cheetah’s are so sensitive and nervous, some of them are literally too nervous to breed. Other’s will breed, but stress themselves out so much, they’ll loose their cubs.

So zoo’s with breeding program’s had to figure out how to make Cheetah’s comfortable enough to first of all, get laid and secondly - not spazz themselves into miscarrying.

So what’d they do?
They gave the cheetah’s their very own Service Dogs!


The dogs make them feel safe, protected and secure!

AJHHHHFDDGHH SO PRECIOUS

this post just got so much better

(via pureceruleanseas)